I have stumbled upon the greatest re-education program that has ever been propogated in our United States of America. Who is behind this insideus propaganda campaign? Is it a vast right wing conspiracy? Is it funded by Haliburton? Does it involve the falsifying of international intelligence to justify a war, or the controlled demolition of World Trade Center building number seven so it can be blamed on islamo faschists? No my friend...It is funded by corporate coal and involves the assault on our most valuable, impressionable, and innocent natural resousces...our children and our environment. As a result of the propaganda provided through Thomas the Tank Engine our future leaders will have an unconscious desire to return to eeevil coal as an energy source. The facts...
1. Thomas and all his comrades need coal to run...worse, it is the very life-blood of the lovable Thomas.
2. The character Deisel has been portrayed as both lazy and mean even though deisel engines run like tops (albeit noisy tops) and get high miles per gallon.
3. Delivering coal is consistently portrayed as the most important job on the island.
4. No coal = chaos aka "confusion and delay".
I think the facts speak for themselves. Say no to coal and environmental homocide. Turn off Thomas. T.O.T. T.O.T. T.O.T.! mmmmm tater tots.
Good night and G.B.A....er I mean God Bless America
Name withheld to avoid death threats from corporate coal.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 4, 2007
It's that time of year again.
When hurricane predictions lead the news? Nope. When we all complain about the humidity? Nope. When their is unrest in the middle east...again? Well yes but I'm not talking about that this week.
Of course I'm talking about the time of year when local high schools conduct their graduation ceremonies. I have developed quite a pessimistic attitude related to these festivities. I was invited to my nieces ceremony last Thursday evening. I entered the stadium prepared to surrender 3 hours of my life to gallons of sweat, annoying cat calls "Woohoo! Johnny!", and speeches conducted by people you never new existed let alone wanted to hear speak for 15 minute...EACH.
As I perused the program for the evening I immediately assessed the torture I was about to endure. Would I hear from the school board secretary? Would I hear from the class President, VP and Secretary ProTem? Surprisingly...no. There appeared to be a short list of speakers. I would not be deterred from my bitterness and pessimism so as the ceremonies began I whipped out my cell phone to time the speeches. While they were few in number surely they would rob me of at least 15 minutes each.
Again I was...disappointed? The speeches were no more than 7 minutes. While they weren't captivating they were minimally invasive. As the ceremony wound down I checked the ticker...1 hour and 30 minutes. Hurray I had escaped with an extra 90 minutes to spend how I chose. So I promptly left the ceremony to use my time to expand my horizons, climb every mountain...ford every stream...follow every byway til I found my dream, er, I ate a mountain of ice cream covered in a stream of hot fudge to expand my waist line.
Of course I'm talking about the time of year when local high schools conduct their graduation ceremonies. I have developed quite a pessimistic attitude related to these festivities. I was invited to my nieces ceremony last Thursday evening. I entered the stadium prepared to surrender 3 hours of my life to gallons of sweat, annoying cat calls "Woohoo! Johnny!", and speeches conducted by people you never new existed let alone wanted to hear speak for 15 minute...EACH.
As I perused the program for the evening I immediately assessed the torture I was about to endure. Would I hear from the school board secretary? Would I hear from the class President, VP and Secretary ProTem? Surprisingly...no. There appeared to be a short list of speakers. I would not be deterred from my bitterness and pessimism so as the ceremonies began I whipped out my cell phone to time the speeches. While they were few in number surely they would rob me of at least 15 minutes each.
Again I was...disappointed? The speeches were no more than 7 minutes. While they weren't captivating they were minimally invasive. As the ceremony wound down I checked the ticker...1 hour and 30 minutes. Hurray I had escaped with an extra 90 minutes to spend how I chose. So I promptly left the ceremony to use my time to expand my horizons, climb every mountain...ford every stream...follow every byway til I found my dream, er, I ate a mountain of ice cream covered in a stream of hot fudge to expand my waist line.
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